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Very Farmy Jokes & Riddles

For no other reason than why not, here is a list of very corny, farmer-approved, jokes and riddles. You’re sure to either love or hate this post. Taters gonna tate.


What happened when the farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?

He got a hot-diggity-dog.


Farmers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, turn-ip the covers, en-dive into bed.


Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?

Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.


What day do potatoes hate the most?

Fry-day. ## Why did the cabbage win the race?

Because it was ahead.


Why do potatoes fall out with each other?

Because they can’t see eye to eye.

Nick Offerman Pizza Farm


Why is it hard to get angry with a yam? Because they’re such sweet potatoes.


What happened to the carrot that outran the rabbit?

He lived to tell the kale!


What do you get when you cross a robot and a tractor?

A transfarmer. ##

What sound does a mushroom’s car make? Shroom, shroom. ## What did the queasy pumpkin say? I don’t feel so gourd.


Don’t order hay for your horse off Amazon.

After a couple of days they’ll ask for your feed back.


farmy protractor puns


Is a jalapeño hot? No, it’s actually a little chilli.


How do farmers party?

They turnip.


Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?

Because he was out standing in his field.


What does a nosy pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.


What is a farmer’s favorite Bruce Springsteen song?

Born in the USDA.


What do you call a stolen spud?

A hot potato.


Why were the baby strawberries crying?

Their ma and pa were in a jam.


Why was the cucumber mad?

Because it was in a pickle. ##

How did the organic vegetable die?

Natural causes.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?

An eggroll! ##

Why did the cow jump over the moon?

The farmer had cold hands.

## Being a farmer isn’t for everyone.

But hay, it’s in my jeans.


Did you hear about the wooden tractor ?

It had wooden wheels, wooden engine, wooden transmission and wooden work.#


What do you call a retired vegetable? A has bean. ##

If you’ve got four cauliflowers in one hand, and six cabbages in the other hand, what do you have?

Big hands.


What’s small, red and whispers? A hoarse radish.


Saw a sign at a farm that said “duck, eggs.”

I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.


A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.

When they dug up the grounds, they found human romaines.


A farmer took his cross-eyed dog to the vet.

The vet picked the dog up to examine him and said, “Sorry, I’m going to have to put him down.”

The farmer said “Oh no! It’s not that bad is it?”

The vet said, “No, he’s just very heavy.”


A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation and while he’s there he meets an Aussie farmer.

They get talking and the Aussie farmer shows off his big wheat field.

The Texan is unimpressed and says, “We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large as that.”

They walk around the ranch a little more, and then the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle.

The Texan is again unimpressed and says, “We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows.”

They carry on walking around the ranch when the Texan sees a group of kangaroos hopping through the field.

He asks the Aussie, “And what are those?”

The Aussie replies, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas?” ## Need even more funny vegetables in your life? Don't lettuce wait any longer – it's thyme to join the CSA.


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